TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
