At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I am one with the molecules
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
