If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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