he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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