i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
