what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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