Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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