I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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