My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
