i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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