I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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