I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
