I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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