he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Dear god my vagina.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
