Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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