I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
