when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
