yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
