I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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