You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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