So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
