my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Randomize
