woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
