Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
