Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
She announced her abortion via fbk
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
