Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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