Can i not drive my cunt home
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
