everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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