Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
