I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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