I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
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