I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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