I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
