Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Randomize