Dude my mom stole all your condoms
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
