i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
