i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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