Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
