Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
