hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Can vaginas get frostbite?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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