he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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