I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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