I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
