Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
