I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
