Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
