Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
