Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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