Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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