Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
