if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
