her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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