Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Is it penis luge time yet?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
