my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
