I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
