i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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