This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
