Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm always down for nudity.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
