My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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