Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
