I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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