I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
