You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
