So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
