He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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