Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
