You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
