i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
