i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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